Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
