I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
