I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Randomize
