hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
