i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
