I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
