i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The power of my boobs compel you
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
