my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
