My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
