I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
