Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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