i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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