exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
