these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
