Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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