I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
