i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
