Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
