last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
