You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
