areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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