What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
