I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
