these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
