Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
