I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
