the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Alive.
So much puke
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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