At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need a burrito and a hug.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
