Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
