ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Such a big mess for such a small penis
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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