dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
