I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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