I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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