Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
