i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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