Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
