Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No subtext here. People are naked.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
