she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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