i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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