i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
