i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I AM VODKA MAN
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
