I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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