I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
