I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
