Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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