I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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