I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
