mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
