You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
