I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
