how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
