My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
