hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
